You are currently browsing the category archive for the 'Idiots and Idiotettes' category.
Do you enjoy sampling the freebies at the supermarket? Me too. You know, like the lil chunks of different cheeses. Sometimes they have out some crackers, too. Well, I was at the local Kroger this morning and there it was. It was calling to me. Really it was. The lil pile of cheese chunks under the protective dome that’s supposed to keep bugs and sneeze juice off, right? And there was this wizened little shit about my age digging around in the cheese with his fingers, looking for the biggest chunks, I guess. I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying loudly “git yer dick-skinnin’ bugger-hooks outta the gawdam cheese”. Asshat.
I just got to go through the clock setting again. I woke up yesterday, looked at my nightstand clock and thought, damn, why am I sleeping late? Thought nothing more of it. This morning, same thing. Only as I was putting on my watch after the shower I noticed according to it I wasn’t up yet. Checked the wall clock in the bathroom and nope, still not up. Then it dawned on me.
I remembered having to reset the clocks last month. And last year, too. And I had to set the one on my nightstand even though it’s teeny tiny brain is pre-coded to change times on the correct dates. But thanks to our all-knowing, non-thinking congress, my clock is now obsolete. And oh yeah, there have been some studies that indicate DST actually costs energy. Once again, thank you congress for meddling in my life.
Thank you Reuters. It ain’t Photoshopped.
This is great. Kinda makes me wish I was a jarhead. Nah, not really. But this is a gooder. I don’t want to spoil it so just click here to go to Ranger Up and take a look.
Think I’ve seen this before but I just read it and it needs sayin’. I’m just sayin’.
I was at the checkout of a Kmart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge.I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing and returned the money again. I gave her the money back again… same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64. This actually happened to me in Austin at MoPac Blvd and Parmer Lane.
They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.
I walked into a Mickey D’s with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said ‘buy one-get one free.’ “They’re already buy-one-get-one-free”, she said, “so I guess they’re both free”. She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.
They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, ‘Look at that dead bird!’ Someone looked up at the sky and said, ‘Where?’
They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun rise in the north?” When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, “Oh I don’t keep up with that stuff.”
They Walk Among Us!!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”
They Walk Among Us!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
They Walk Among Us!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
They Walk Among Us!
I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage
office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. “Now,” she asked me, “has your plane arrived yet?
They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces
or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. “Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.”
Yep, They Walk Among Us!
They Walk Among Us, AND they reproduce, and worst of All – they VOTE
What are you doing here? – man asks wife at brothel
WARSAW (Reuters) – A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment’s employees. Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.
“I was dumfounded. I thought I was dreaming,” the husband told the newspaper Wednesday.
The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported.
(Writing by Chris Borowski, Editing by Matthew Jones)
And of course it begs the question – WTF was he doing there? Maybe she got so tired bumpin’ nasties at work she wouldn’t bump nasties with him?
No, really. It’s not a moron joke. I don’t want the PC police to write my ol’ ass up for telling jokes like I used to hear all the time when I was a mere lad. Anyway, this dude really is a Moron. Bryan Scott Moron to be exact. Seems he had been over served and – well you know. If you’re interested click here to read about him.
you are out of your ever lovin’ frickin’ mind. Click on the thumbnail to see a larger image. And yeah, he was trollin’ for sharks. Kinda. “Trey was just one of a team of scientists hoping to discover why a large group of great whites, which travel off southern Africa’s tip during the summer, regularly swim so close to the beaches.”
Hell, there’s food on the beaches. Any dumbass oughta know that.
but mens has more funz. These guys remind me of Rodney Crowell’s “Telephone Road” which he wrote about growing up in Houston. The video has music too but I like Rodney’s better.
You’d think a Harris County, Texas, America district attorney would know better than to send a personal email on a county computer box using his county email address. But not Chuckie. No sir. Maybe he thought he was exempt from the rules. I guess it wouldn’t have been too bad except he’s married and he sent this – “The very next time I see you, I want to kiss you behind your right ear,” – Not to his wife but to his squeeze from the 80s. Damn, Chuck. Good luck in divorce court. If you’re interested in how the emails were made public, click here.
